Watch out! Sweetest of enemies! And how to stand against it.
Jun 7
/
Guntars Baikovs
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Sweetest of enemies! What is it?
It can destroy your relationships, it can destroy your career, it can destroy your life, it can destroy your communities. It creates distrust, suspicion, anger and bitterness. And it does it all the time. And it is so pleasant and seemingly so innocent that we all gladly cooperate with this sweetest of enemies.
What is it?
We will briefly look at four things:
what it is,
why it is so sweet,
what we need to be aware of,
and what to do about this enemy.
It can destroy your relationships, it can destroy your career, it can destroy your life, it can destroy your communities. It creates distrust, suspicion, anger and bitterness. And it does it all the time. And it is so pleasant and seemingly so innocent that we all gladly cooperate with this sweetest of enemies.
What is it?
We will briefly look at four things:
what it is,
why it is so sweet,
what we need to be aware of,
and what to do about this enemy.
The sweetest of enemies and how to stand against it.
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[1] What is it? Gossip.
Yes, gossip and slandering.
Remember, in the beginning was the Word.
Even if our words don’t create anything new the same way God’s words do, our words do shape how we and others perceive this reality. It is so easy to damage someone’s reputation. It is so easy to damage someone’s good name. And we do it so often and even enjoy it. Without clearly realizing how damaging it may be.
[2] Why is this enemy, this vice so sweet?
Imagine, you are having a conversation with someone. A pleasant conversation. And they mention someone else, who is not present. We do it all the time. And they began to speak about something that the other person is doing wrong, or what is a bit strange or odd about them, or what they are failing in or not doing well enough, in any of their many callings. And you are that privileged conversation partner who is also so discerning and can see those faults in your fellow human beings. So pleasant!
A couple of things happen that make it so sweet.
A bond is established with that person that you are having a conversation with, for there is something that you two can discuss openly - about that other person. It is a pleasant sensation - to have someone you can be open with and trust.
But also, we feel lifted up (even if that is an illusion) for we certainly are not like that third person. We are better. Of course, and our conversation partner confirms it; for we both together can see the imperfections and faults of that third one… This is especially pleasant if the object of our “gossip” is a good person. For we can’t lift ourselves much if we criticise someone who is useless, but if we can criticise someone who is a reasonably good person, or even better, someone who excels, how much “greater” we become!
This is how Martin Luther describes this phenomenon in his Large Catechism:
“For it is a common evil plague that everyone prefers hearing evil to hearing good of his neighbour; and although we ourselves are so bad that we cannot suffer that any one should say anything bad about us… yet we cannot bear that the best is spoken about others.” That’s us. Me and you. That’s how it works…
Now [3] what we need to be aware of.
There is no person in this world who is protected from gossip… including you. There is always something to be said. Even if you were a perfect human being, in your thoughts, words and actions, still anything you say or do can be reinterpreted as something suspicious, or odd.
What happens… The false testimony we received or delivered in such conversations will shape our understanding about that other person. We will, even if unconsciously, remember what was said. It will shape our perception and our attitude. False perception and inadequate attitude. Words do create a new reality for us. They certainly do.
And here comes a surprise, a little warning. If someone is happy to enter such “trusting” relationships with us by “gossiping” about someone else, remember! there is a very high likelihood that they will similarly gossip about us with the next person, building relationships of trust with everyone by gossiping about everyone else.
This is why our all-wise God gave us the 8th commandment:
“You shall not bear false testimony!” To protect our good name, and to protect communities from this “sweet enemy”.
This is especially harmful for Christian communities as the evil one rejoices if he can trick us to “gossip” about one another. Which means that our trust is broken, or at least there are cracks. He wins, we lose.
As James, the brother of Jesus warns us: “For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:7-8)
Finally, [4] what shall we do against this enemy?
Dr Luther again gives us great advice. Luther’s explanation of the 8th Commandment in the Small Catechism is wonderful: “We should fear and love God that we may not deceitfully belie, betray, slander, or defame our neighbour, but defend him, [think and] speak well of him, and put the best construction on everything.”
This is how we can live out our Christian identity, how we serve our neighbours, [1] by recognizing “gossip”, [2] by refusing to participate in it, and [3] by standing up for our neighbours when they are not present. “For honour and a good name are easily taken away, but not easily restored.”
Dr Luther adds: “It is especially an excellent and noble virtue for one always to explain advantageously and put the best construction upon all he may hear of his neighbour.”
Be that excellent and noble person! Be that person!
Yes, gossip and slandering.
Remember, in the beginning was the Word.
Even if our words don’t create anything new the same way God’s words do, our words do shape how we and others perceive this reality. It is so easy to damage someone’s reputation. It is so easy to damage someone’s good name. And we do it so often and even enjoy it. Without clearly realizing how damaging it may be.
[2] Why is this enemy, this vice so sweet?
Imagine, you are having a conversation with someone. A pleasant conversation. And they mention someone else, who is not present. We do it all the time. And they began to speak about something that the other person is doing wrong, or what is a bit strange or odd about them, or what they are failing in or not doing well enough, in any of their many callings. And you are that privileged conversation partner who is also so discerning and can see those faults in your fellow human beings. So pleasant!
A couple of things happen that make it so sweet.
A bond is established with that person that you are having a conversation with, for there is something that you two can discuss openly - about that other person. It is a pleasant sensation - to have someone you can be open with and trust.
But also, we feel lifted up (even if that is an illusion) for we certainly are not like that third person. We are better. Of course, and our conversation partner confirms it; for we both together can see the imperfections and faults of that third one… This is especially pleasant if the object of our “gossip” is a good person. For we can’t lift ourselves much if we criticise someone who is useless, but if we can criticise someone who is a reasonably good person, or even better, someone who excels, how much “greater” we become!
This is how Martin Luther describes this phenomenon in his Large Catechism:
“For it is a common evil plague that everyone prefers hearing evil to hearing good of his neighbour; and although we ourselves are so bad that we cannot suffer that any one should say anything bad about us… yet we cannot bear that the best is spoken about others.” That’s us. Me and you. That’s how it works…
Now [3] what we need to be aware of.
There is no person in this world who is protected from gossip… including you. There is always something to be said. Even if you were a perfect human being, in your thoughts, words and actions, still anything you say or do can be reinterpreted as something suspicious, or odd.
What happens… The false testimony we received or delivered in such conversations will shape our understanding about that other person. We will, even if unconsciously, remember what was said. It will shape our perception and our attitude. False perception and inadequate attitude. Words do create a new reality for us. They certainly do.
And here comes a surprise, a little warning. If someone is happy to enter such “trusting” relationships with us by “gossiping” about someone else, remember! there is a very high likelihood that they will similarly gossip about us with the next person, building relationships of trust with everyone by gossiping about everyone else.
This is why our all-wise God gave us the 8th commandment:
“You shall not bear false testimony!” To protect our good name, and to protect communities from this “sweet enemy”.
This is especially harmful for Christian communities as the evil one rejoices if he can trick us to “gossip” about one another. Which means that our trust is broken, or at least there are cracks. He wins, we lose.
As James, the brother of Jesus warns us: “For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:7-8)
Finally, [4] what shall we do against this enemy?
Dr Luther again gives us great advice. Luther’s explanation of the 8th Commandment in the Small Catechism is wonderful: “We should fear and love God that we may not deceitfully belie, betray, slander, or defame our neighbour, but defend him, [think and] speak well of him, and put the best construction on everything.”
This is how we can live out our Christian identity, how we serve our neighbours, [1] by recognizing “gossip”, [2] by refusing to participate in it, and [3] by standing up for our neighbours when they are not present. “For honour and a good name are easily taken away, but not easily restored.”
Dr Luther adds: “It is especially an excellent and noble virtue for one always to explain advantageously and put the best construction upon all he may hear of his neighbour.”
Be that excellent and noble person! Be that person!
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